Can Post Natal Depression Kill You?

Do you think post natal depression is as dangerous as to kill someone?

In some cases yes but in the others it breaks you down to soul crashing deadly state. Its an
image killing disease that you are probably not even aware of.I am going to share my experience along with symptoms and causes of postnatal depression.

What is postnatal depression?

According to me it is a weird feeling you start getting after your baby is born. It ranges from as low as feeling like crying without any reason to trying to harm oneself or in severe cases your baby.

Ladies when you announce your pregnancy you start getting loads of ADVICES some wanted some unwanted, sit like. this sleep, like this , eat that, don't do that. Perhaps, all the advices for those precious 9 months and none for the period post that.
Does anyone tell you how hard breastfeeding will be? How scared are you going to be? How many nights will just pass by without the Wink of an Eye?
No.... No one does. But I will. I will give you all the (TMI's) important information.
Let's talk symptoms...

Constant negative thoughts and feelings.

Anxiety about things that wouldn’t normally bother you.

Taking no pleasure from being with your baby, or feeling hostile towards him, your partner, or your other children.

Extremely worried about your baby’s health, even though he’s fine, or thinking you are a hopeless mum, even if you’re doing well.

Fearful that you might harm your baby.

Being obsessed with your own health, or your baby’s, such as whether or not he is gaining weight, or is breathing properly.

Persistently sad or low.

No pleasure in the things you usually enjoy.

Exhausted, and lacking in motivation

Guilty, perhaps about not coping, or not loving your baby enough

Lacking in confidence

Blaming yourself for everything

Not keen to see friends or family

Irritable and tearful

If you are facing any of these symptoms you definitely need to talk to someone. You have to consult your doctor even if you match only a few symptoms.I WILL TELL YOU WHY?
Let me share my experience with you.
When i was pregnant nobody could give me more information than to, drink milk, eat proper and sleep proper. So I started researching. I had to always use the internet or Google to search for answers since no one ever mentioned to me that the hard days are post the nine months. I did not end up researching on that. Therefore came to me Post Natal Depression (P.N.D) as a surprise. This is a dangerous disease MOST women are not even aware of and just can't figure out why they are feeling this and what's happening, resulting in anxiety and frustration. When I gave birth to my baby (which is something I always wanted) I was happy and thrilled. I was so happy and excited to hold my baby that i was the fastest recovering patient among the other women that had given birth on the same day as i had. Trust me there were a lot. Even though i had undergone a C-section I was doing everything on my own the very next day. Walking,eating, taking care of my baby everything possible. All I wanted to do was to get home. Since I was a good patient I was discharged a day earlier than the other ladies. I came back home excited, leaving behind all the hospital staff who were helping me recover and helping a lot with the baby and my medicines and giving all injections on time. Then i get home. I do have help around me but what I didn't realise was that my baby will not want anyone else. He would only want me , 24/7 which meant No bath, No food on time,No bathroom etc. Nothing as per my convenience all according to his. I know it sounds selfish but the day you are in my or any other mother's shoes you will know. I would be tired and sleepy and since no more injections, in pain with my body trying to come to terms with the surgery. All I was doing was milking, milking and milking endlessly. By this time every part in my body was sore and hurting.I hadn't slept I was weary and sleep deprived. Then as per Indian customs and rituals there was a function 'Pooja' kind of thing for the baby that was to take place. We had that and i had to wear tons jewellery, heavy party wear and loads of makeup and sit in an uncomfortable position with my stitches hurting for hours together, and every time I would feed the baby and try to put him to sleep those endless well wishers would just wake him up. I was again and again and again feeding, the pain was unbearable. That's where I hit Rock Bottom and I cried and I cried and I cried till people got angry at me for spoiling an auspicious day.

But did they understand me? Did their body ache? Were they sleep deprived?
From their started my journey of lows and only lows.I just went from, I am so excited I had a baby to I hate all these people around me. I detached myself from family and friends completely. I wouldn't answer calls. Wouldn't want to meet anyone. From the inside I knew I wasn't supposed to hate my baby, So I started hating the others. I would cry on anything just anything. On simple things like why cant i go to the bathroom. So I researched about it and then got to know it was Post Natal Depression. So i guess there is less awareness about it in India. I told my husband that I was going into depression and he would keep saying I would take you to the doctor but would then get busy in his work and also he couldn't Judge from the outside what was wrong. But I knew from the inside I was slipping away. I used to get frustrated with everyone and everything.I would get flustered with my baby and feel like spanking him. But from inside I was explaining to myself, No this is wrong. So I started feeling like harming myself.Somehow every time i was alone and those thoughts came in my mind suddenly, someone would bring him to me and i would look at his face and say, "You, have to live for him you are not a coward." I would try to put my baby to sleep I would start with singing then get frustrated and shout go to sleep!!!!! and then bang my head against the wall. My husband didn't know what was wrong with me. He didn't know what were Baby Blues and neither was he ready to understand or come to terms that I have the right to shout at the baby because I was sick (which I KNEW i didn't have to) You might not believe it but my baby is 1 year old and not one night have I slept because I was overprotective about him. So, i was turning into this split personality. It is something which is very hard to explain and you feel no one is understanding you. I was having constant fights and every time I would want to suicide. I wanted professional help but I was not getting it. Maybe because I was not discussing it with the right people or maybe the people I was discussing it with weren't aware of what I was going through. In the end I thought to myself you are alone in this and you have to fight it out.I would sit in the car scream loudly till all my anger would go and come back relaxed. Slowly I got control over it. It's still not over I am still fighting it ,still taking it one by one day by day as it comes. So all you wonderful ladies nothing is worth dying for. Fight it. You can come out of it, your baby is the most wonderful thing that has happened to you remind yourself that. Seek professional help. Talk to the right people. If you want share with me maybe I can help, but seek help don't make the mistake I made.
P.S. Women are fighters.

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